How To Enjoy Anyone Even Though…

By December 23, 2010 One Comment


This is a “How To Enjoy The Holiday” email.

It will tell you how to have a wonderful holiday, even though you have to put up with some of your least favorite people.

For many folks, holiday gatherings are a chore and a challenge.

Face it, there’s a reason that this time of year, in spite of all the yummy songs about “Good will to all” – is frequently a time of tension.

Just the opposite from how you’d like to feel, huh?

Why is that? Simple.

The holidays are a time when you are required to be around relatives (or in-laws) that you don’t enjoy. Let’s face it; there are people that we see this time of year because, well, we can’t avoid them like we do the rest of the year.

Here’s a formula for making your holidays fun and interesting, no matter who you have to deal with. If you follow the easy instructions below, you’ll be appreciated by anyone you are with, and you’ll be developing skills and habits that will serve you “back in the world” as well.

Instead of just enduring your least favorite people, you can really enjoy them!

How? By using some basic (but rarely practiced) NLP skills to discover how to make anyone feel really good – and interesting — while in your presence.

And we all know that when you make someone feel like they are interesting, they think you’ve suddenly developed some insight and taste, and they will enjoy being with you too!

I know many of you have had NLP training. So have I. But many who read this have not had formal training.

So here’s the recipe for turning what had been social drudgery into a real winning and interesting experience for yourself.

Believe me, it will change your whole experience of your holiday – make it fun instead of a chore – and maybe give you a whole new perspective on someone you had probably written off over the years.


I know, you think you know this already. Maybe you do. But I’ve been in more training classes, as student then as coach, than most people. Also, I’ve had the advantage of 16 years of active study group meetings to practice in.

I still forgot some of the nicer little tricks about getting along with others.

Until I did a review for this email. The idea for this email, and some of the details, came from DVD #3 of the Living Encyclopedia. The wording is mine.
The 6 Secrets Of Being Well-Liked

1 – The biggest secret of popularity is to give your whole-hearted attention to the other person

2 – The second biggest secret of being well liked is to forget yourself completely and become genuinely interested in other people

3 – The third big secret of being popular with others is to learn to listen with everything you’ve got

4 – The fourth big secret of popularity is not to be a know-it-all. “I didn’t know that!” are magic words.

5 – The fifth big secret of being popular is to admit your mistakes, especially if someone has been hurt or inconvenienced. It’s good to apologize even when it’s not your fault.

6 – The sixth big secret is to say “Thank you” every chance you get.

Everybody cares about himself or herself, so as long as you make someone feel comfortable and interesting, you will be liked and accepted. You can practice this with any other person; it just takes two of you.

Other people and their interests are more important to them than you and your interests. If you get it and sincerely reflect this attitude, you’ll become magnetic.

Don’t forget the incredible power of non-verbal communication.Pay attention to eye contact, space requirements, and anchoring opportunities.

A few simple rules…

DON’T EVER INTERRUPT, (unless you are interrupting to agree or cheer with approval). Exception – You can always stop them by interrupting and saying, “Let me be sure I heard what you just said.” They will almost always stop and give you the floor to see if you got their message.

DON’T EVER CONTRADICT; if you must disagree, simply offer another viewpoint – AFTER validating and appreciating what you’ve just heard. Like: “I understand that, and I wonder if _______________(use a reframe from the next page, or offer a suggested alternative)”. Avoid any hint of criticism or ridicule.

Avoid using the words “but” or “why”, and phrases starting with “you” (unless you are feeding back their language or making a complimentary statement). Generally replace “but” with “and”.

And some questions…

1) Get their name, and do not think of anything else until you see their name on their foreheads. Repeat it 5 times to yourself, and if possible, remember someone else you know with that name. Call them by their name in that first conversation.

2) Compliments work. Sincere “You make this look easy…” or kidding, “I’ll bet you’ve got a screen test coming up; I’m shocked you’re not a big star already!”

3) Parrot. All you need to do sometimes is to repeat the last two or three words a person said as a question: “I’m tired.” “Tired?” They’ll keep talking.

4) Don’t say, “What do you do?” It makes you sound like either an interviewer or a salesman. Say instead, “How do you spend most of your time?”

5) Listen for whether they use visual, auditory or kinesthetic words. It’ll give you a sense about how to match up with their way of thinking. Then you can adopt the same way of speaking, by just inserting a seeing, hearing or physical word in your speech.

For instance:

Visual: colors, “seeing” words – “I see what you mean”

Auditory: “hearing” words – “I like the sound of that!”

Kinesthetic: “feeling” or “physical” words – “I get your point”

Or you can really drive them away!

1 – Monopolize the conversation
2 – Talk in a loud voice
3 – Interrupt others constantly
4 – Force your personal opinions on everyone
5 – Let people know how wrong they are
6 – Be negative about everything

Personally, I think you’ll have more fun this Holiday with the Rapport approach!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday Reunions,

Tom Hoobyar
NLP Comprehensive

P.S. Remember our Living Encyclopedia sale (1/2 off the list price). When they’re gone, they’re gone.


P.P.S. I was asked why, if this is such a good product, we’re not going to make any more of them. Good question. I’ll tell you the surprising answer next week.

Tom Dotz

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