Know How: Guided Programs for
Inventing Your Own Best Future
by Leslie Cameron-Bandler, David Gordon and Michael Lebeau
DESCRIPTION: Have you ever wondered why some people have what
seems to be a natural ability to achieve success and fulfillment, while
others seem to be doomed to a life of repeated failures, disappointment
and frustration? Would you like to understand talented and gifted people
in a way that provides you with a choice to be more like them--a choice
that offers you the talents of those who achieve success and fulfillment
naturally? If so, read on. The purpose of this book is to give you that
choice.
The following pages are the result of an exciting collaboration that has led
us literally out of our own minds and into the fascinating life experiences of
others. Several years ago we began to identify genius and excellence in important
everyday situations, and our curiosity about talented and gifted people has led
us to a fascinating discovery about how they are able to do those things that
they do so well. We have distilled those patterns of success into simple, easy-to-use
formats. Our purpose in writing this book is to provide you the formats--the
thinking processes, perceptions and behaviors--that naturally lead to success
and fulfillment in several of life's most challenging and potentially rewarding
areas. As you read through each chapter you will be participating in a presentation
and exploration that is designed to involve you in an ongoing learning process.
You will be learning and changing as you read and enjoy each chapter.
The thousands of people we have helped change over the years have consistently
expressed to us their surprise at discovering that change need not be difficult.
It used to be thought (and still is in some circles) that making pervasive life
changes is very difficult. Making major personal changes was equated with an
ordeal--complete with pain, struggle, and sacrifice. This gauntlet orientation
was based upon the assumption that (1) deep-seated problems and primordial issues
needed to be uncovered and dealt with before desired experiences could be attained,
and (2) there was no existing method which made possible the transference of
successful or desirable life experiences from one individual to another.
Our experience in assisting people (both individually and in training seminars)
to get what they want has demonstrated something very profound: The majority
of people do not need therapy as much as they need an opportunity to learn HOW
to organize their perceptions, thinking processes and behaviors in ways that
naturally lead to success. Once people know how, they translate their learnings
into action and fulfill their desires rather than choosing to deny themselves
those desires.
The following pages are a coalescence of a portion of our accumulated knowledge
concerning the solutions to commonly experienced problems. In each of the areas
covered we have described both those who respond successfully and unsuccessfully.
This gives you the opportunity to find yourself and to understand the basis for
your own successes and stumblings. As you identify yourself among the examples
of people whose behaviors have led to a lack of success in a given area, remember
that there is nothing wrong with you. You simply have not yet had the opportunity
to know how to respond in those problem situations in any other way. This book
gives you that opportunity--the opportunity to know how.
We believe that it is possible for you to acquire talent and to manifest natural
excellence in any area of life. We wrote this book to direct you toward actualizing
this belief. The following pages contain a sampling of the formats we have created
from our explorations into the structure of talent and natural excellence. We
present them to you with the hope that you will use them to enhance your existing
talents, as well as to gain control of presently frustrating areas of your life.
Read on and enjoy yourself as you acquire those skills that will make your dreams
and desires come true.
EXCERPT: Dessert. Three friends--Arbuckle, Wally and Eileen--are
enjoying a delicious meal at a fine restaurant. After finishing their main
courses, while all three are rhapsodizing about the meal and remarking
how full they are, the waiter appears at their tableside with a pastry
cart loaded with cakes and pies. The waiter asks, "Now, who would like
dessert, hmm?"
Arbuckle is more than a little overweight. He often talks about how he is going
to go on a diet "soon," and he knows from his own experiences of wheezing up
a flight of stairs and from the cautionary magazine articles that he has read
that he really must lose some weight. He recognizes that if he does not lose
weight he will become more and more physically incapacitated and limited, and
he does not want that to happen. Despite all this, Arbuckle orders a slice of
pie. When his surprised friends ask him for an explanation, all he can say is, "I
can start dieting tomorrow. This is just too delicious to pass up."
Wally (who is not overweight) also thinks the pie looks delicious, and confesses
to wanting a slice. Even so, Wally ruefully declines, saying, "Naw, I'll regret
it later." He then offers the excuse, "I'll wake up in the middle of the night
with heartburn if I eat any more."
The pie looks just as tasty to Eileen, but she too turns it down. "Pie has never
agreed with me. I always get heartburn," she explains. Arbuckle attempts to talk
her into giving it a try, since she may have finally become immune to its effects,
and if not, she could become accustomed to it by eating a little at a time. Eileen
just waves him off. "Listen," she says, "I've been through this movie before
and I already know how it ends." No pie for Eileen.
What is striking about this example is that different people in the same situation
can have very different responses. You say, "Well of course they had different
responses--they're different people!" But having said that, do you take the next
conceptual step which is to realize that if those individuals are having different
responses to the same situations, then it is not the situation which is determining
the response? Rather, it is the way in which each is thinking (the structure
and content of that particular person's internal processes) that determines what
responses he or she will have within a given situation. Thus, responding with
anxiety, anticipation, inadequacy, or confidence during an interview, waiting
for the phone to ring or finding a way to make it ring when you want a date,
or deciding to marry or remain single are all determined to a very great extent
by how you process information within each of those situations. If you change
the nature of those internal processes, you will alter in some way your feelings
and actions.
TOC:
A World of Difference
Into the Looking Glass
The Five Fundamentals of Success
Wishing to Having
Eating
Exercise
Temperance and Temperaments
Sex
Loving
Parenting
BACKCOVER: . . . illustrates how people can go out and achieve what they
want, rather than just daydreaming about it.
Medford Mail Tribune
. . . so packed with positive presuppositions that they could produce change
even if the reader did not engage in using the formats.
Changes Bookshop Review
If self-improvement is high on your list of things to do, then . . . [Know How]
can surely help you change into the future self you want.
Stephanie Craig, The Arizona Daily Star
Unlike many other psychological self-help titles, [Know How's] incorporation
of daily problems surrounding sex, exercise and eating patterns, and parenting
provide examples of how the program can work for change, emphasizing goal-setting
and strategies for achievement rather than ethereal possibilities.
Diane C. Donovan, The Midwest Book Review
INSIDEFLAP: . . . a substantial commitment to changing your life
and the way you view the world. Liz Visser, Human Potential Magazine
An especially well-deserved commendation for Know How for superlative work. A
significant contribution for the self-help/self-improvement bookshelf that will
stand the test of time.
James A. Cox, Editor, The Midwest Book Review
This helpful guide can help readers acquire skills, improve sex lives, achieve
goals, control diets, avoid substance abuse, become better parents, and be happier
people.
Concise Book Reviews
. . . suggestions for shaping a more positive future . . . drawing from the experience
of high achievers.
EAP Digest: The Voice of Employee Assistance
. . . one of the most important chapters is that dealing with parenting, teaching
how to create the kinds of nurturing and mutually-enjoyable relationships that
parents would like to have with their children.
International Council of Sex Education and Parenthood Newsletter
What distinguishes this book from the wealth of other self-help books on the
market is the thoroughness of this approach.
Eric Robbie
The Journal of the National Association of Hypnotists and Psychotherapists
Congratulations, FuturePace Publishers for originating what seems a fresh approach
to step-by-step mental techniques for achieving your purpose in life.
Broox Sledge, The Book World
The book is clear and concise and the exercises are simple but thought-provoking.
Healthful Living, A Life Science Publication
AUTHOR BIOS: The authors are known internationally as co-developers and
leading researchers of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and as creators of
Mental Aptitude Patterning. They have written several highly-regarded books on
personal development including Solutions, The EMPRINT Method, and The Emotional
Hostage.
AUTHOR'S COMMENTS: There is within our culture
a great diversity of responses to apparently similar
situations. A moment's consideration of your own experience
and behavior and that of those around you will undoubtedly
furnish you with many examples. Perhaps you procrastinate,
putting off chores, work projects or assignments until
the last moment or until it is too late. Certainly you
know of someone who gets their assignments done promptly.
(There are even those who anticipate assignments and
do them before they are asked!) Maybe you are one of
those individuals who takes care of your health, abstaining
from unnecessary drugs, unwholesome foods and eating
practices, while making sure to get enough exercise.
You can easily identify acquaintances who drink to the
point of getting drunk, smoke cigarettes, eat poorly,
overeat, or have been promising themselves to start regular
running--for the past several years. Or perhaps you have
low self esteem; that is, you have little sense of personal
purpose or importance. You can probably think of people
who obviously think very highly of themselves (and some
of them with little apparent justification). How is it
that some people achieve their business, financial or
career goals, while others seem to find only a recurring
lack of success and frustration? Is it just luck? Is
it genetics? What makes it possible for you to procrastinate,
and someone else to get things done quickly; for you
to take care of your health and someone else to ingest
potentially harmful drugs and foods; for you to think
little of yourself while others find themselves to be
worthy? How is it possible that some people have regrets,
are able to plan, are able to carry out plans, be jealous,
be Pollyannas, be curious, be bored, be vengeful, be
hopeful, be self-sacrificing, be hedonistic, remember
every occasion with a greeting card, or forget their
own anniversaries? Obviously, there is a tremendous diversity
of experience
We believe all of the experiences and behaviors we have just listed are the direct
result of the perceptual and cognitive patterns of the individuals who have those
experiences and behaviors. In other words, how an individual perceives and thinks
about the world determines that person's experiences of, and responses to, the
world. A person who procrastinates is using a combination of perceptions, evaluations
and behaviors that result in that person being able to put things off until later.
Not being able to operate without the imposition of those perceptions, evaluations
and behaviors is what makes procrastination an attribute and a problem, as opposed
to being incidental and not a problem.
Although the person who procrastinates may or may not appreciate having that
attribute, it is an attribute nonetheless. Moreover, whether that person realizes
it or not, procrastination can be a resource. Every one of the experiences and
behaviors we have just mentioned (plus the thousands we did not) can be a blessing
if used in the appropriate situation, or a curse if used in an inappropriate
situation. For instance, if you need to write a grant proposal or lecture presentation
it is obviously better to be motivated to get it done as soon as possible rather
than procrastinate. But what happens to the person who wants to get things done
right away when he goes on vacation? For the person who vacations in the same
way he runs his work crew, the attribute of being able to procrastinate might
be very useful when vacationing. Similarly, the asceticism that makes it possible
for a person to remain svelte by eating sparingly may become a tremendous burden
if applied to getting emotional needs met.
It is our contention that the best choice is to have the widest range of useful
and gratifying behaviors possible within any given situation. Having this choice
allows an individual's response to be determined by that person's intended or
desired outcome, rather than by the automatic triggering of an inbred and (perhaps)
inappropriate reaction.
A default response, on the other hand, occurs when an individual has only one,
automatic response within a particular situation. For the person who needs to
write the grant proposal or lecture material but cannot seem to get to it, procrastination
is a default response in that he has only one response to the context of "paper
due": procrastination. Similarly, promptness is a default response for the person
who would like to ignore writing a grant proposal but nevertheless feels compelled
to work on it. For these two individuals, procrastination and promptness become
choice responses when they can choose to respond in either (or neither) way.
